I think I can, I think I can.....

Have you ever put off something due to fear and insecurity? Or avoided something because its outside your comfort zone? Sure you have. We all have. Whether its avoiding the dentist, praying you don't get the flu because you're afraid you might have to vomit, developing a new relationship or taking a class. There's been a time when you've avoided a situation because something about it causes you some form of anxiety. If you've never experienced such stomache twisting knots before - you might be dead, or you're just one bad a** gal.

For me lately its been the nearing spring quarter of a class I've signed up to take. You see, being an administrative assistant is great and all, but its really not what I aspire for my career. I know I need to do something about it, and that that something is getting my Masters.... MASTERS! The word alone is scary! I've never been a master of anything. I've always considered myself a "jack of all trades". I'm good at a lot of things, but not great at any one thing. Any way, I think what it comes down to is I fear failing or looking stupid. I've already vowed to never open my mouth in class, even though 25% of my grade is participation. Among my class mates are some of the brightest and most creative people that I work with. I feel like I've got something extra to prove being an "admin". I feel like people assume I don't already have a degree and that the only reason I'm an admin is because I couldn't get a job doing anything else (which is partially true, damn teaching degree does me no good!). Now don't get all mom on me. I know what you're thinking and you're yelling encouraging things at the computer screen, but these are my insecurities speaking. I know that I am a bright, positive and creative person, but its been awhile since I've had to use the left side of my brain - that is the analytical side right? This class will be a challenge for me. Even reading the syllabus was over whelming! Its been almost 5 years since I've really had to use my brain in a critical thinking sort of way.

I like this excerpt from an article on selfgrowth.com
"Fear causes great people to accept mediocrity. It also causes death and destruction to lives and dreams of most people. Where there is overwhelming procrastination, there is fear. Where there is great anger, there is fear. Where there is extreme hatred, there is fear. Where there is complacency, there is fear. Where there was failure, ultimately, fear was there."
- Myles W. Miller

I guess the point of this little blog was to get a little off my chest. To confess a little something to the world. But I hope that you'll embrace something you're afraid of. Step out of your comfort zone and grow a little today :)